C-Dick And Vic Hit By The DL Stick
Victor Martinez hit the DL. I told you he was overrated in the preseason, but rather than just say I told you so, let's tell you exactly what I told you, "Wah-wah. Sad trombone. 'Those aren’t pillows!'...
View ArticleTwo Start Pitchers, Week 11: The Real American Dream
Son of a plumber, the real American dream has returned for another week of two start scrutiny. I'm here to do the dirty work. I drop the bionic elbow on your dome to enlighten you to the two start...
View ArticleMax Retires 27 Batters, Hits One Tabata
Before you accuse Jose Tabata of leaning into a pitch with two outs and Max Scherzer on the brink of a perfect game, let's take you back to 2009. The then 19-year-old Jose Tabata was with his wife, the...
View ArticleSpring(er) Break
George Springer will miss six weeks with a broken wrist. I find in these times of sadness it's best to turn to the ones you love, your family. But it's also important to not forget why you were sad...
View ArticleCarGoing CarGoing CarGone
Yesterday, Carlos Gomez went 2-for-3 with 4 RBIs and his 8th and 9th homers. Only took until the 87th game of the year for a big game. Maybe I'm a goofy chicken. Maybe I'm a guy that puts feety pajamas...
View ArticleTwo Start Pitchers, Week 16: Pounding On The Lunch Table
Growing up everyone had their favorite school lunch. Didn't matter if your Mom packed you one or if you paid Bertha $1.25 for the crap they served on the foam divided plate. Everybody had a favorite....
View ArticleNola Tengo
"I don't know what my face is doing right now." "It looks like you ate a full Tony Luke's cheesesteak and forgot to swallow." "No. I mean, I did, but I took the sub out of mouth and put it in my glove...
View ArticleCreeper of the Week: Preston Tucker, The Fifth Outfielder
Greetings, weekend warriors. Your resident creeper, J-FOH, is unavailable this week due to either a mani/pedi or macaroni, I'm not quite sure. Bad phone connection. But whether he's tending to some...
View ArticleRoyal Cueto Bein’
If you can remember back a few years, Johnny Cueto 401KO'd Jason LaRue with a kick to his head. When he got up, LaRue couldn't see straight and needed to retire. Elsewhere, Yordano Ventura (7 IP, 1 ER,...
View ArticleTo The Victor Goes Yordano’s Spoils
You know how they have 17 hours of unseen footage on the Anchorman DVD that you spent 17 hours watching to only keep saying, "Well, I know why they cut this out?" In a similar vein, I wrote about...
View ArticleTo Whom Do We Owens The Pleasure, and the Top 100 Starting Pitchers, Week 19
It's always good to try and see every pitcher that you can. I've never seen Henry Owens pitch, but didn't think much of him for 2015 with a horrible walk rate in AAA (4.12 per/9). "Is this strike zone...
View ArticleA Think Piece On Rodon
*Grey adjusts his chiseled body, places himself on a seat, props his chin up with his hand, makes sure that he's not covering his mustache.* "Welcome to today's symposium on the intersection of art,...
View ArticleTwo Start Pitchers, Week 20: Battle Anybody
Hip-hop as an art form, and culture, is built on the ability to battle. One must show and prove their true mastery of the craft before being considered amongst the B-Boy Illuminati. Doesn't matter if...
View ArticlePedro Alvahomer
I was able to pick up Pedro Alvarez (2-for-4, 19th homer) for the batty call yesterday, which is kinda silly since he has four homers in the last week, and now I don't see how I can drop him. Wouldn't...
View ArticleAmbulance Chasers, Week 21: To Hellickson And Back
I must say, I don't believe in curses, hexes, jinxes or whatever you may call it, but this season is rapidly descending into a Euripides level of despair for me. As I look at my various rosters being...
View ArticleNL Only, 12 Team Draft Recap (Or How Deep Does A League Need To Be To Draft...
*balloons fall from the ceiling, sirens go off* Oh my God, what did I win? Little ol' me was the winner of the "Only Person To Put Dustin Garneau In A Headline?!" *more sirens, more balloons* I'm...
View ArticleNL Tout Wars Recap — Did I Just Draft Dee Gordon?
As many of you know, I was invited into the NL-Only Tout Wars live draft this past weekend that took place at the SiriusXM building in New York. The draft started at 10 AM EST on Sunday. I include...
View ArticlePurchasido Domingo
Moogly-boogly! It's been a long winter. The Buy/Sell Column's back asking, "Did you miss me?!" During the offseason, while you were diddling and thinking about how your middle school nickname was...
View ArticleChoo Has Boo-Boo, Mazara Woo!
The Rangers called up their super-prospect, Nomar Mazara (3-for-4 and a solo homer). That's super *prospect*, Hillary Clinton fans. Don't worry, not the word that is also a title of an Arnie, Carl...
View ArticleOne Man’s Trash: The Brock Lock
Let me assure those of you who came here to read a fantasy baseball article that you're in the right place. While the title might conjure up images of Brock Lesnar's new submission hold ("He has the...
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