Manny Being Ramirez
Manny Machado's epitaph: He always found more success throwing a bat at a ball. Better than Salvador Perez's: Together again! Machado wasn't just struggling, he was like that friend of yours that not...
View ArticleDraftKings – Give ‘em Hellickson
This never should have happened, but do you remember a time when Gangnam Style was cool? It’s hard to remember, I know, but I’m talking about the dark ages of 2012; the same year Jeremy Hellickson was...
View ArticleThe Hutch Is On
When I was growing up, we had a hutch. For the life of me, I couldn't remember what piece of furniture it was that my grandparents used to call a hutch. So, like a child of the naughts, I Googled it....
View ArticleTwo-Startapalooza: Week 20
I’m just curious: Do Colorado pitchers stink because half of their games are played in the equivalent of the Space Stadium in “Triple Play 2001”, or do they stink because no one wants to pitch there,...
View ArticleVol. 3…Life And Times of C. Carter
Uh-oh, I feel a rhyme coming on. Chris Carter's schmotato was born on August 4th wearing the Astros hat, 40 ounces he doesn't pour forth cause that forty-oh is his bat. If you can't respect that your...
View ArticleFor Trevor Stung
Hello, I’m Keith Morrison of Dateline. Today’s story is about a young closer who had the life that we all dream about -- money, girls, Tony La Russa's private phone number to find out if a product used...
View ArticleJay Bruce Makes My Bowels Loose
I thought Jay Bruce was a lock for 30/100 not dirty undies. Thirty-hundo not dirty-undies! All year Bruce Stinksteen has been behind "Born to Run" Billy Hamilton, Todd Frazier, who's classically...
View ArticleTwo Startapalooza, Week 23: This Is It
Alright Head-to-Headers and Weekly League players. This is more than likely the most important week of your season. You're either kicking off the first round of playoff match-ups or you're grinding out...
View ArticleMy Back Is Down, Chicago Rizz
The other day I talked about the dark underbelly of roster expansion and how, due to teams not DL'ing their players, it can actually hurt us in this thing we call life. Well, some of us call it fantasy...
View ArticleJeter Ends Last Home Game Like His Relationships: Walk-Off Single
The rain cooperated to let Derek Jeter play his final game at Yankee Stadium. Thank God, the Yankees needed the tarp for Suzyn Waldman. The Yankees presented Jeter with a replica of the Yankee Stadium...
View ArticleCards Win Heyward In Shel Game
The Braves had the 5th best ERA last year in the major leagues. That's with a down year by Mike Minor, and injuries to Brandon Beachy and Kris Medlen. Their runs scored were second to last in the...
View ArticleTop 80 Starters for 2015 Fantasy Baseball
With the top 80 starters for 2015 fantasy baseball, I will say this, we are having such a gay time! Gay like Colin Firth would use it. In an 19th century period drama. As in merriment. We are having...
View Article15-Team NFBC Sloooooow (6 O’s) Draft Recap
This draft was so slow that I lost half my starting rotation before the draft ended. This draft was so slow that when it started Minnie Minoso was still alive. This draft was so slow when it started...
View ArticleTwo-Start Pitchers, Week Two: I’d Like You To Meet My Pal Harvey
Lads (and ladies), sit with me for a moment while I bless yee with a bit of the folklore of the old country, the Emerald Isle to be exact. A place of legal drugs, pubs, whiskey, rolling green hills,...
View ArticleCarrascrophe
A scary scene yesterday for my fantasy team. WHY DOES THE UNIVERSE MOCK ME?! I'm not saying it was Ancient Aliens, but it was Ancient Aliens. Everything was lined up for my success, then Carlos...
View ArticleWhite Sox Going Rodonkulous
Dressed in a tuxedo, Ron Kittle walks up to Leon Durham, looking fabulous in a red dress and high heels, and says, "It would be my pleasure to give you a lesson in marksmanship." Leon scoffs, "You...
View ArticleDraftKings: It’s Going To Be A Rocky Outing
I'm going to have to wait until at least 9pm PST to see if I am going to win anything in a big 'Guaranteed' entry. Particularly because I am going to start a lot of players in the late games. The...
View ArticleThis Week in Razz…, Week 5
Welcome back to another weekly review for everything that was Razzball this past week. I'm always of the opinion that every week is better than the last, but that's mostly because I know your mother....
View ArticleKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKluber
"Hello, this is the Liquid Paper corporate office. How may I direct your call?" "Well, I'm not sure, to be honest. I run this fantasy baseball blog and--" "You want marketing. I'll direct your call."...
View ArticleTwo Start Pitchers, Week 7: Hall and Oates
So after back to back weeks of discussing two of the more trendsetting genres in Hip-Hop and Grunge. I have gone off the reservation and devoted the tiers and peripheral discussion to one of my...
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